The following is a transcript of Topher’s editorial from Episode 75 of The Aussie Wire News discussing attention seeking Climate Change activists, which aired on the 30th of January 2024.
We need to talk about pumpkin soup and the fetish that climate change activists have for flinging it like monkeys with poop. Yes, the perpetually outraged grown-up infants are at it again not content with glueing themselves to the bulletproof glass that protects famous artworks. Because of idiots like them, not content with throwing mashed potatoes at Monets or soup at Van Gogh, now they thought poor old Lisa looked hungry and they offered her some pumpkin soup.
This is attention seeking slacktivism at its dumbest. Most people are content to post hashtags and circles on their profile but these people, they want more attention than that but they don’t want to have to actually do any work, so they do these idiotic, lazy, attention-seeking stunts that make absolutely no difference to anyone except for the museum patrons that they are inconveniencing. How lazy are these “climate change activists” ? Well the pumpkin soup isn’t even homemade, they bought it from a shop where it was delivered in a truck after being manufactured in a plant run on energy produced by burning the eyeballs of baby seals made from pumpkins grown on massive corporate farms.
What exactly is the CO2 footprint of a can of Campbell Soup that they have just wasted for no reason? If they were really serious, if they actually cared, they’d do it properly. Grow that pumpkin yourself on the balcony of your inner city high-rise apartment from Heirloom Seeds without artificial fertilisers or pesticides. Slice it up using a sharpened rock, cook it using nothing but the energy of the Sun and carry it to the Lou Museum in a banana leaf. At least then we would know that you believed your own BS, or hey, if that’s too much work, at least show some creativity, soup? That’s just lame.
This is the Mona Lisa, show some respect, why not throw cavier? Or, since you’re in France, escargot. At least it’d be funny watching those little snails make an escape as they crawl across the Mona Lisa’s enigmatic face. But that’s just wishful thinking, they’re not going to be creative and nor are they actually committed enough to do it the hard way.
This is just attention-seeking slacktivism in real life by people who don’t have a life. It doesn’t even qualify as protest. I am very protective of the right to protest for reasons you’re no doubt aware of, but this doesn’t even meet any of the basic requirements of a legitimate protest. It’s just a temper tantrum for the purpose of inconveniencing others in return for a fleeting moment of fame.
The good news though is that everyone who is going to be convinced that climate change is an existential threat is already convinced. If you’re not convinced yet, you will never be convinced no matter how many stunts you see and that’s good news, because it means we’ve reached peak climate change madness. The hysteria you see around you now, that’s it, that’s as far as this pendulum can swing. At least as far as public opinion is concerned. From here it can only go one way and that’s in our direction back towards sanity and rational evidence-based energy policy, and that means that the next few years are going to be good, at least when it comes to the climate stuff. To make it even better, we’ll have the entertainment of watching these idiots have complete meltdowns when they don’t get their way.
I might have to buy some shares in pumpkin soup, I have a feeling it’ll be very popular soon.
You can watch this episode of The Aussie Wire News here.